What do I mean by saying this? Is it a constructive statement or am I just trying to hurt someone? Will this statement contribute to solving the problem? Could the other person interpret this statement as an attack? Would I get angry if someone said this to me?
If the situation in any way turns threatening, physical, or violent, remove yourself right away. There is no longer any chance of solving the problem constructively if this happens and your safety is more important.
Encourage the other person to be open and honest with you. Let him know you want to solve the issue and he should feel comfortable letting you know exactly what’s bothering them. [8] X Expert Source Liana Georgoulis, PsyDLicensed Psychologist Expert Interview. 6 September 2018. When you ask the other person to explain his point of view, don’t do so in an angry or challenging way. You want to make sure everyone is comfortable expressing their opinions.
In defining what the problem is, the other person may state some problems or mistakes associated with you. Don’t get insulted or defensive- remember, the only way to effectively solve problems is putting everything on the table.
Clearly state your ideal solution to this issue. Ask the other person to do the same. Again, listen carefully and don’t make assumptions. The other person may not be aware of their own goal. Ask similar questions to the ones you asked yourself prior to the conflict so they can establish one. Encourage him or her to be as specific as possible. [11] X Research source
Disagreements tend to magnify differences and obscure similarities. Break this trend by looking for similarities, no matter how small they are. Any common ground is a starting point to build from. Use phrases like, “Okay, so it looks like we agree on. . . " to make it clear that there is common ground between the two parties. This realization can make people more willing to cooperate and compromise. Take a workplace argument for example. In defining their problem, both parties have stated that they don’t enjoy working in close proximity to each other because it is a distraction. From that common ground, a solution can be an office or desk change to resolve the disagreement.
Talk through everyone’s ideas for an ideal solution. Find out what is most important to the other person and clearly state what is important to you. This will show what everyone is willing and unwilling to compromise on. Remember that in a compromise, neither party is completely satisfied. Be flexible enough to work with the other person and come to a solution acceptable for everyone. Take the previous workplace disagreement as an example. Both parties don’t want to work in the same area. But there aren’t any offices available for a relocation. So the two workers agree that they will not interact with each other until they take breaks. Neither party has gotten exactly what it wants, but the solution is acceptable enough to allow them to complete their work effectively.
