Going for a walk or run. Taking a long relaxing bath. Engaging in a favorite hobby. Going out to coffee or dinner with a friend. Using a relaxation technique, such as yoga, meditation, or deep breathing.
If you quickly respond with an emotionally charged letter, you will likely regret it later. Step away from the letter and take a deep breath if you need a moment.
The person is far away. The relationship has only been a few dates. The relationship was not equally defined. Maybe one person saw it as more casual than the other. The relationship has been highly stressful or toxic. The person has anxiety and difficulty with in-person communication.
Consider doing something else for about an hour and then looking at the letter again after your intense emotions subside. Resist the urge to get answers instantly. If you attempt to email, text, or call as soon as you finish reading the letter, you may not get a response or the response you’re hoping for. Find a friend or person that you trust. Use them to help provide guidance and be calming source of support.
If you personally feel that a response will help you to move forward, write a response. If you feel that you are not yet emotionally ready to give a response, then take some time to reflect about how to move on. Make sure that you think about your reason for wanting to respond as well. What do you hope to accomplish with your response? If you want to get a better understanding of what happened, then responding might be helpful. However, if you want respond to make the other person feel guilty, then responding might not be a good idea.
Writing a letter Sending an email Talking on the phone or using video phones Sending a text message Meeting face-to-face
Consider writing something positive like, “we had a great time together. " Or when you are in agreement of differences, “I understand that we don’t have the same goals. "
This type of response will give you credibility because you are being honest. It is important to show your sincerity in your writing. Avoid being defensive. Don’t use this time to detail all the sender’s faults. Use this time as a way to release yourself from this person. One way to avoid being defensive is to use “I” language in your letter. For example, “I felt hurt when I read your letter. ”
For example, avoid share multiple examples of what you did because you were feeling angry after reading the letter. Instead, you might say something like, “I was furious after I read your letter. I had to go for a 10 mile run just to cool down. ” If your emotions are overwhelming, then it might be a good idea to find another outlet for them, such as running, writing in a journal, talking to a friend, or engaging in a favorite hobby.
If you only dwell in the negative, you will come off as immature and irrational. Even if the Dear John Letter you received had points that you disagreed with, or used harsh words against you, reducing yourself to that level of negativity will likely make the situation worse and make you feel more upset.
If the sender’s letter appears to show little effort, then you may not need actually say “thank you. " If you can’t be positive or show thanks in your response, then consider just saying, “Goodbye and best wishes. "
Don’t let your anxious feelings overwhelm you. It may be hard but find ways to distract yourself from calling, writing, or text the person. If you need to contact the sender for a reason other than to discuss the relationship, then be brief and to the point. If you want to discuss your relationship specifically, it should be only if the person is still willing to communicate with you. If you are interested in getting honest answers, it is best to talk with them on the phone or in person. Avoid using emails, texts, or chats to get answers.
This step is not recommended as a way to respond to your sender’s letter in real life. This letter should be like writing in a personal journal or diary. This is for your eyes only. Avoid saving this email or letter. Once you have used this exercise, consider deleting or tearing up the letter.
Call those positive people in your life. Use them for motivation to keep you going strong. Avoid negative people who are struggling with their own drama or problems. They may have little advice or support to offer.
Exercise. Go to the gym. Take walks. Get outdoors. Play sports. Get a good night’s rest. Take a hot shower or bath. Get a massage. Do something creative. Read. Write. Draw. Play Music. Build. Eat well. Try a new recipe. Go out for dinner. Watch a movie. Catch up on your favorite shows. Spend time with friends, family, or pets that you love.
