“Thank you so much for telling me! It’s an absolute honor being your friend. ” “Coming out can’t be easy, but I’m so glad you trust me enough to share your true self with me. ” “Thank you for trusting me with this. ” If your friend comes out to you through text, add a 🤗 or ❤️ to your message to represent a virtual hug.
“I care about you, and nothing will ever change that. ” “I love you. You know that?” “You’re one of my best friends, and I’m here for you no matter what. ”
Statements like, “I knew it!”, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” and “Are you hot for me?” may seem innocent, but they can make your friend feel self-conscious or guilty.
“Does anyone else know?” “How are you feeling?” “What has the coming out process been like for you?”[6] X Research source Avoid questions like, “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” and “How do you know you’re gay?” These types of questions can come off as abrasive, even if you don’t mean for them to be.
“That’s a big step, and I’m so proud of you!” “I’m so glad you’ve told me. I support you 100%!” “You’re one of the strongest people I know, and being yourself is only going to make you stronger. ” If your friend comes out to you via text, try sending them a playful GIF of someone celebrating or giving a thumbs up.
If you don’t think you can be friends with them anymore, be honest but refrain from judgment and criticism. Consider taking a step back and questioning your own beliefs. Why are you hesitant about your friend coming out? Sometimes, reframing your thoughts can help you be more understanding. [9] X Research source
If you and your friend are jokesters, ease their worries with a casual inside joke. If you and your friend enjoy serious conversations, ask them to tell you more about their identity as long as they’re comfortable. Focus on your friend’s needs in the situation, letting them laugh, cry, or be quiet. [10] X Expert Source Lauren Urban, LCSWLicensed Psychotherapist Expert Interview. 3 September 2018.
“Know I’m here if you ever need to talk. ” “You can come to me with anything at any time, okay?” “You don’t have to tell me everything right away. I’ll be here when and if you want someone to listen. ”
“Is there a label you feel the most connected with?” “Do you identify with a specific part of the LGBTQIA community?” “Please correct me if I ever use the wrong identifications or pronouns. ” Stay away from phrases like, “You’re confused,” “You’re depressed,” or “You can’t feel that way because you dated her/him. ” These statements can be extremely harmful and uncomfortable for your friend. [13] X Research source
Listen to your friend and respect their wants and needs—this is their story, after all!
Research and discuss political and societal issues within the LGBTQ+ community Speak up when you hear an anti-LGBTQ+ comment or joke Use inclusive language in everyday conversations
